How do you do SHU?

Ladies and Gents, where you sit the first day of class is very important. You see, the professor might be the King or Queen of the classroom, but the students are the Lords and Ladies of the class.

So as a fine Lord or Lady, you need to pick the best territory. Where you sit determines whether you will take on the role of teachers pet or a comatose slob. These are life decisions being made!

During my first class of the semester, I was fortunate enough to pick a pretty cool spot. Alright, let's pepper that statement with some sarcasm, because I didn't really have a choice in the matter. I showed up late for my first day, and the only seat left was right in front -- dead center. I'm assuming Lady Luck was busy helping some smarmy dude with leather pants in the casino that morning. She kind of has this habit of bailing on me. Whatever happened to "chicks before…" 

So while I was standing in the doorway that day during the professor's lecture, my thoughts slapped me. They shouted,  "Really?! You are telling me that everyone in that class was thinking the same exact thing and avoided that one seat? That they had a conference together and declared that seat no man's land?

I don't know what it is about dead center seats in the front of the classroom, but they are the worst! It makes you feel like all eyes are staring at you. Like the whole classroom is watching your every move and there's a sportscaster in the corner of the room shouting, "She is opening her bag. Will it be a pen or a pencil? Oh wait, she pulled out a stick of gum! It is safe to say that her breath smells. Let's get an instant replay on this one -- yes, her breath smells!"

Needless to say, it's embarrassing. Not to mention how hard actually getting to that seat can be. It's not just one person you have to squeeze past, but half a row of people. I'm not a big girl, but when people sit a foot from their desk it's pretty hard to squeeze by them.

To avoid all future craziness, I'm going to assign a professional gambler to follow me wherever I go. That way when Lady Luck comes around I can force her to find me a seat in the back.