The Spectrum

Issue date: 4/28/05 Section: Special Report

Media Credit: Contributed Illustration/ KELLY JOHNSON

It all happened so suddenly. I didn't even know what was happening to me. So many thoughts clouded my mind. I had no idea why I felt the way I did but I knew I couldn't be good. My initial thought was that this was it. Yup, I was definitely sick, I was probably going to die. I mean how else could I explain all these weird feelings, constant shaking and feeling as if I cannot stop, my heart racing so fast I could feel the beats against the inside of my chest, light-headedness, burning in my stomach, random pains throughout my left arm and chest, and of course, I could never breathe.

There were so many times I would just have to stop and take deep breaths in and out with no reason at all, except that I just couldn't seem to get enough oxygen to my lungs. But then again, I am probably overacting, and I calmed down. This whole routine would happen more and more as last year progressed.

One Monday afternoon in September of 2003, it started. I was just sitting there on the couch typing on my computer when I noticed that my stomach was burning, so badly that I was feeling nauseous. Then after the fact that it made me so uncomfortable I couldn't even talk on instant messenger anymore, I realized that my stomach had been bothering me all week. I thought it might have been the food I ate but, then I realized it was all week, I figured it couldn't just be food.

As usual I began to overreact and immediately started looking it up online. Then my suspicions where answered when all of symptoms matched that of an ulcer. Immediately I panicked and went to the doctor, but that proved to be dumb because he told me that I didn't have an ulcer but this other thing, and gave me prevacid and told me to stay away from spicy and greasy food.

After that uneventful doctor visit I just felt stupid for thinking I had an ulcer. I even calmed down since the pain seemed to subside with the medicine, well for a while. About two months passed and I realized at night again the burning came back. Like clock work in the morning and at night when I would try and go to sleep my stomach would burn and be accompanied by a feeling of hunger until I felt asleep. This time I just ignored these feelings I was not a hypochondriac.

I didn't even have time to think about these problems, when I had actual, real ones to deal with. Like the fact that I had to pay almost 400 dollars a month in rent, my cell phone bill was due, oh my credit card also, and of course my savings was dwindling faster than I earned it. I knew eventually the dreaded call to mom and dad was approaching... another thing that made me tense.

Continued...

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