The other day I was picking my nose. And I mean full on picking my nose. My fist was practically scraping against my brain. Then the most horrible thing happened. My roommate walked in and saw me. He caught me red handed. As if that's not enough, he was with his mom at the time. So there I was, enjoying myself while picking my nose, and they saw it. I was so embarrassed. And they were appalled by my nose picking. It was obviously disgusting to them. But then, hours later, after calming myself down, I realized that it really wasn't a big deal. And the reason was simple. Absolutely everyone picks their nose. It's a true fact. No matter what, everyone in the world, at one point or another has a booger in a hard to reach place, and uses a finger to get up there and "de-clog the nostril" as I call it. But why is everyone so incredibly embarrassed when they're caught? My roommate should have said, "Oh, you're picking your nose. I do that all the time. It's quite fun." But instead, he acted like only crazy people pick their nose. This got me thinking. What else does everyone do, but only when nobody's around? Well, right away, my dirty mind filled with all kinds of things that I have decided not to mention in this article. Once the impure thoughts finally left my mind I came across several things that I know everyone does. I'll start simple. Every now and then, when nobody's looking, do you ever have to scratch somewhere unpleasant? There really is no good way to do it, but everyone has to. Or what about the infamous wedgie? It is very difficult to pull your underwear out of whatever crack it might be in, without people noticing. One time, I was "adjusting myself," and one of my professors noticed. Oh boy my face was so red. But again, this is something everyone does, when nobody's looking. Why can't we just scratch our butts while people are near us. But that's not all. Do you ever sing while driving your car? And I don't mean quietly singing along to the radio. I mean, all out screaming along to the Mariah Carey CD your mother gave you for Christmas two years ago. The CD you know every single word to. Everybody knows what I'm talking about. Singing in the car is one of those things we are all, without a doubt, guilty of. I've been singing in the car so hard that I've practically swerved into oncoming traffic. But I absolutely never do this unless I'm alone. I can't risk being seen, and ridiculed. It would be horribly embarrassing. Have you ever been singing in the car, and suddenly somebody pulls up next to you at a red light? What do you do? You instantly shut up and pretend to be on your cell phone. At least, that's what I do. Singing leads to the next embarrassing thing everyone does. Dancing. Not dancing at the club with all of your girlfriends. Dancing alone, in your room, in front of the mirror, while blowing kisses at yourself, and yelling out "I'M SO HOT!" Now, I know some of you are pretending that you don't actually do this, but don't lie. We all do it. While performing this dance, I have been walked in by my roommates, friends, girlfriend, parents, dog, nephews, chiropractor, and the Chinese food delivery guy. At one point or another, all of these people have seen me doing this dance. Does it stop me from dancing? Absolutely not. I still dance in front of the mirror, every single day. And I know that everyone does it. When I get caught, I feel incredibly embarrassed, but whatever. So we all sing in the car, and we all dance in front of the mirror, but the worst, most horribly embarrassing thing anyone ever does, is when the two are combined. Singing and dancing together. This doesn't happen in the car, or in front of the mirror. This happens in only one place. The shower. And it's not just dancing in this case. It's a full musical performance. A concert while covered in soap. The greatest part about the shower is that nobody ever walks in. You never run the risk of getting caught mid-song. It's brilliant. But sometimes you get carried away, and you keep right on singing after the shower. And while you go the full shower without getting caught, the minute you leave the bathroom, it's as if everyone was waiting for you. You come out of the shower, dripping wet, wearing nothing but a towel, using your toothbrush as a microphone, and acting like you're the latest member of Destiny's Child, when disaster strikes. Not only do you get caught, but you get caught in the most awkward way possible. You don't even notice right away. You just keep right on going, not knowing that you finally have an audience. When you at long last look up, still holding the toothbrush, you realize that you are performing for both of your parents, your sister, two of her friends from school, your mother's boss, the guy who works at the deli, the priest from your church, the mail man, and Bob Barker. All of whom happen to be there at exactly the same time, for no apparent reason whatsoever. Nothing in life can possibly be more embarrassing than this moment. What I think everyone should do is simply stop caring. It's no big deal. Everyone does it, so we might as well do all these things out in the open. I don't mind. Let people see me pick my nose. Let people hear me try to sing. I'm fine with it. From this point on, I will never stop myself from acting this way because there are people around. If I feel like busting into a musical number in the middle of class, I will. And I hope many of you will stop caring, and join me.